Wednesday, 7 November 2012


I've calmed down from my semi-incoherent 50 Shades rant now. I took a long bubble-bath, drank a bottle of red, set fire to the offending 'novels' and was cleansed by the flame.

"Laters, baby." I said with a maniacal laugh as I walked in slow-mo away from the raging inferno. Ana's subconscious exploded in a fiery ball behind me. It was a good day.

I have to change my chicken scrawl cartoon drawing thing at the top of the page, because I've acquired another pet. Anther one! And not a little one this time, like a hamster or the Guinea pig I still secretly want. This is Sophie:

She's a five month old Springer Spaniel, and she has the distinction of being the cutest, dumbest dog I've ever met. She's like an America's Next Top Model contestant: very pretty, a-not so smart. This morning she jumped into a cardboard box and then got lost. She started whining because she couldn't figure out how to get out again. At some point after crawling into the box, she forgot that anything existed outside of it, up to and including how she got in in the first place. Was the box particularly large? No. Literally all she needed to do was TURN AROUND and WALK OUT, but she couldn't figure out how. She just kept sadly headbutting the closed bottom of the box, resigning herself to living in there and I'm sure trying to decide whether or not she could eat it.

She wouldn't have eaten it in an attempt to escape, I should add. She just wants to eat everything. Now, I know you might say 'Hey, she's a puppy - puppies chew shit!" But as you can see in the photo, this aint my first rodeo. Jess is a Labrador, who was a very chewy puppy also. But I never walked into a room to find Jess furiously licking the TV to figure out what flavour it was.

She's deathly afraid of one of my sofa cushions. Don't ask me, I don't know. The offending cushion is fashioned to look like an owl, with brown buttons for eyes. Whenever she sees it she loses her shit and starts barking furiously. I imagine she's saying something like this:

Sophie: Hey! Hey! Don't MOVE, motherfucker! Hey! Stop looking at me! Hey! Why don't you blink? I hate you! Do you want to play? YOU SUCK! I HATE YOU. HEY - HEY, YOU, BRING YOUR PUNK ASS OVER HERE!

Owl: [Does nothing. Is a cushion.]


 But hey, I'm not the brightest crayon in the pack either. NO JUDGEY.

Peace x

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