Punch. Innaface.

I'm watching this new TV show, The Wedding Band, while I'm wrapped up in a hundred layers of clothing, shivering and feeling utterly sorry for myself because I've got the 'flu. It's a horrid, ANGRY strain of 'flu too, the vomiting and pooping one as well as all the earache and sore throatishness and snot. Seriously, it's the worst. I slept all day, and I hatehatehate waking up when it's dark outside. Completely throws me, I am now confused and frightened.

I had the weirdest 'flu dream about going to see a Game of Thrones museum that was set in some old, half-ruined castle. When you got to the top floor there was all this memorabilia in one room, then a beardy guy came and ran through a presentation that required audience participation because evil Direwolves came out of the walls and attacked everyone until a piece of paper was thrown in a vase. What? I don't know, it was a dream. Anyway, I decided to stay there and put on a red ballgown that was part of the exhibit. And THEN it was an actual medieval castle and I made out with Sean Bean.

But enough of that. This new TV show centers around a group of middle-aged dudes who have - you guessed it - a band that plays weddings. For the event they're hired to do this week (not a wedding, a re-reunion) they're required to hire a female singer so they can do duets.

Cue wacky audition montage. I mean, that was ridiculous in itself. These scantily clad women traipse up to a microphone and make terrible off-key mewling noises. I guess the show didn't want to pay any more silly song royalties, so none of them actually sing a song. The first woman goes 'La-la-la, waaah,' the second goes like 'Boom-tish-tish' or something, I can't remember and I'm certainly not going to watch it again. It was just baffling. None of these women came to the audition with a song prepared? Even the worst of the auditionees on Idol have a fucking song to sing. They don't just go 'La lalala, ooooOOOoooh-a.' SO FUCKING STUPID.

Then this 'cool' woman rocks in and is all 'Let's do [Some song], start playing on my count, one-two-three..' Like, there's this band they're auditioning for and none of the other women thought to have them play, either. I guess she's supposed to come off as ballsy and a woman with attitude, but she just seems like a dick. I rolled my eyes so hard they almost got stuck up there.

Then there's the fact that she's dressed like this:

Ugh. UGH. UGGGHHH.

Oh God, I can't even look at her. Fingerless leather gloves, woolly slouchie hat, some sort of zebra print bra.. Granted, I may be overreacting because I'm poorly and she exists, but if she walked into my audition I'd punch her in the face before she had a chance to speak, let alone sing. I certainly wouldn't hire her. FINGERLESS LEATHER GLOVES?

OH, COME ON.

Not cool, show. I don't need that kind of shit today.