Photographic Confusion

So I have a photo on my wall.

Many, in fact.

I printed off a bunch of motivational quotes and whatnot to stick above my treadmill at eye level, so that when I feel like I can't go on and might well die, the quotes will guilt me into going on.

One of them, though.. I don't know what it is about it, but I can't read it the way it's supposed to be read. Perhaps it's beacause I workout in the morning, or perhaps the peculiar mismatch of colours confuses and frightens me, but I started to write down over the last couple of months the weird things I read in place of what's actually there.

What'll follow here is the ACTUAL photo, and then the list of things I've mistaken it for reading:

Actual photo.

Things I have mistakenly read it as saying:

"Stop wrestling, you idiot."

"Stop doing what she's doing."

"Stop washing - silly doings!"

"Stop doing the washing up!"

"Swishing tart."

"Cat, wish, art, oink." (Incidentally, that's the name of my gallery show in the trendiest part of London. Send me £50 and I'll send you an invite.)

"Stop, wish, deny."

"Stop washing your dong."

"Wish-washing the step."

So yeah, that's it's for now. I'll write an update in a while if anything else vaguely humourous comes from me mis-reading this or any other sign. There's a roadworks sign near where I live that says "HEAVY PLANT CROSSING" which always makes me giggle.


Love you, awesome nerds.

x

Daily.. motivation?

I am the most attractive I've ever been right now. Red. Sweaty. In pain. I just finished what turned out to be a WHORE OF A GRUELING workout. It was a DVD, so I sort of laughed like a 50's black & white movie star [You know what I mean, right? Ho! Ho! Ho ho ho! Like that] and felt superior. "I'm a runner," I thought. "I run. These silly DVD's are designed for people who are not runners! It'll have no benefit for me!"

I'm an arrogant, stupid, KNOW-IT-NOTHING. Considered me completely and utterly humbled.

I decided to work out rather than go to bed, but since my trainers are in the wash I couldn't go for a run, which is what lead to me flinging this fitness DVD across the room and into the Xbox. It's called.. HANG ON, LET ME GET IT.

..

..All right, so my legs won't work. I'll guess 'Ministry of Sound Hires a Steaming Hot Australian Chick from the Call on Me video to Destroy You with Aerobic and also Salsa moves that may or may not cause you to Fall Over your own Feet'.

Pretty sure it was something like that. I did the whole thing, start to finish - it was something like an hour and twenty minutes. Even when the perky Australian girl started to turn on me by making me jump around and do rib isolations and OH OH THIS ONE THING where you have to be in the squat position and then pulse your hips forwards until your thighs erupt into flames and you DIE.

I wouldn't stop because my damn pride wouldn't let me. Consequently I completed the whole thing without skipping any parts, including the push-ups, crunches and planks.

I have a healthy respect for fitness DVDs now.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go and have a long hot bath and cry for a while.

<3