Sunday, 27 July 2014

Et tu, brain?

Don't you just love it when not only the world conspires to keep you from sleep (Too hot! Too many loud idiots outside! Cats are playing war on my bed and my feet are the enemy!) but also your own brain decides to chip in:

"Oh hey, I know you want to sleep, and Imma get to that, but first, here's a clipshow of all the embarrassing stuff you've ever done? Ready? Ok, good."

Cue montage. That time I fell of my motorbike in front of a group of lads because I was showing off. I was going like 5mph, I didn't get hurt, but my bike was too heavy to pick up on my own.


The time I was a waitress and was asked to take a bottle of wine to a table. The manager didn't put it in an ice bucket, so I did it myself. It was red wine. I was like fifteen, I had no idea. I remember the conversation as I walked away from the table: "Is that red? We asked for red, didn't we? Why is it chilled? Perhaps it's to improve it." Yes. Yes, go with that. It's to improve it, nothing to do with the waitress being an IDIOT.

Hey, remember that brief period when you were eighteen and you thought it was cool to go everywhere with a red headscarf bandana thing wrapped around your right hand like you were part of the goddamn Crips or something? Ahaha! You looked so stupid!

And on, and on, and on..

Honestly, brain. There's no need to be such an asshole. I just wanted to sleep.

On the upside, I've woken up to discover Ramsay's new series of Hotel Hell has started. Fuck yeah, let's go bitch at people with G-Dog. I'll even recap it.

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