December the WHATETH?

Oh good Lord, it's Christmas in a week.

I should really buy presents.

Not right now at this moment because I'm watching Catfish. I didn't even know this show existed. It's about people who fall in love over the internet but have never met. This guy takes one half of the couple to meet the other without the other's knowledge and so far NO ONE IS WHO THEY SAID THEY WERE. I mean, there were a couple of clues with the first one, seeing as no one who is a model full time and a cue-card writer on the Chelsey Handler show and a tragic past involving three dead sisters is going to be that active online anyway. But it was a girl! A nineteen year old girl! People be crazy, y'all.

At any given moment recently I will hear a rustling noise and look over to see one, two or all cats in the Christmas tree. It's driving me up the wall. Their main reason for being in the tree is, apparently, to see who can knock the most baubles off it and subsequently make me huff and puff and complain about having to hang them again. I woke up yesterday and the angel from the top of the tree was on the lounge floor, looking at me with a kind of shell-shocked, traumatised expression. She'd been through things, man.

No matter how motionless you are, I CAN STILL SEE YOU, CAT.

Christmas Massacre??

I finally put the Christmas tree up this afternoon, which involved climbing into the attic to drag down my box of decorations. Something happens up there in the eleven months they're not used, and I wish I knew what it was, but I'm mostly glad I don't.

All I know is that all the ornaments went into the box neatly arranged and in one piece.

But, man..

TINY MURDER

What the hell did that Nutcracker dude do to deserve such an ugly death? He looks as if he's been drawn and quartered. I was rummaging through the box to try and find the tiny Joffrey & Iron Throne that must somehow have materialised in there to call down punishment like that. I couldn't find one, of course, but I would hang the shit out of a Tyrion tree topper. That would be amazing. In fact, if anyone wants to make me a whole set of Game of Thrones Christmas tree decorations, I would be really appreciative. I'd particularly like a Jorah Moremont one, since I am nursing a gargantuan crush on him.

Anyway, I stood looking at the sad broken pieces of Nutcracker dude for a while, wondering whether or not I should glue him back together, or if I should respect the decision of the rest of the decorations and allow them to keep their justice. I mean, I only turn up once a year, they have to maintain order somehow for the entire time they're packed away in the a--

What the actual fuck is wrong with me, sometimes.